Feelings are the Barometer of the Heart
Recently, I was negotiating… it wasn’t going so well.
I could feel the frustration setting in. My clear thinking clouded and my Steve Peters ‘chimp’ came out to play. He didn’t play so much as blind-side me and hold my day to ransom…
Balls… there goes another one.
Or did it?
I actually secured a great offer for a candidate I really liked and off the back of this secured two other recruitment briefs. So it wasn’t all bad – not in the least. But, listening to my ‘chimp’ you’d have thought someone just robbed my house at gun point!
The balance between honest reflection and wallowing is a tough one to nail down; and I’m not afraid to say I too often confuse the two.
But, there is a recognisable tipping point – a dangerous spiral of emotion. The temptation to navel-gave and wallow in my frustration and feelings is always palpable. It offers me the excuse to self-justify and simultaneously demonise myself and whichever business associate I’ve clashed with, without actually addressing any of the behaviors in me that need improving.
So here’s how you recognise it – are you doubling down on replaying that ‘awful’ event and it’s resultant feelings in your mind hopelessly again and again – beating yourself up?
Or, are you thinking clearly about what you will do differently next time whilst being thankful for this your education?
You see, feelings are not arguments, nor do they self-justify any business decision.
What are they then? They’re sure as hell important to understand – ignore your feelings and you’ll rack and stack bad debt in your professional emotional life and relationships very quickly.
Feelings are, in fact, the barometer of the heart.
Listen to them – usually they will tell you what you really want and that is worth knowing. There’s no profit without goal-setting and there are no goals without driving values that you work out from.
Know your values, understand them, and listen to what your feelings tell you about them. Once you know what your driving values are, it’s simple to goal-set from here and work out your plan of action to avoid repeating the same mistake.
But, remember, feelings are not arguments and they don’t self-justify.
Next time your chimp comes out to play, work with him, but make sure he takes your lead. Keep him in the passenger seat and make sure you’re the one driving!